Off the Record

Jul 12, 2007

By PAT ROLLER

OH, NO (groan). We were dismayed to read in yesterday's Record that the Sheilas (the cringe-worthy trio from the Sheilas' Wheels car insurance advert) are to release a single.

We also note that it will be called (I'm So) Happy Happy (You're Mine).

Why (we wonder) does it have so many (unnecessary) brackets? Is it (possibly) to distract (your attention) from the fact it's a (crap) gimmick?

THERE is talk that scientists are investigating the phenomenon of "soap fatigue", where avid soap fans' brains melt after watching more than 20 hours of soap a week on British TV. Seems it's not just viewers who are prone to the condition.

Emmerdale actor Chris Villiers, who plays posh Grayson Sinclair, was in Glasgow yesterday to launch stv's autumn schedule, and revealed he's showing signs of the condition.

"Emmerdale's on six nights a week," he said. "We're always going into the guys in the previews department asking them to burn us a copy because we struggle to keep up."

Ah, it makes us nostalgic for the glory days of Crossroads, whose cast regularly gave up without a struggle.

THE second-best Bond girl ever, Halle Berry, has revealed that she wants to sing in a movie. "I have a good voice," she said. "It's soulful and deep, and it's a genre that I've not attacked before."

We hope she has better luck than fellow actress, Minnie Driver, who you may remember also attacked the musical genre. It surrendered.

WE'RE looking forward to seeing Kylie in the Doctor Who Christmas special, especially now that we know she is to play a waitress on the Titanic. And we can't wait to see which former Home Secretary has been cast as the waiter who re-arranges thedeckchairs.

IT'S taken him more than 30 years, but Queen guitarist Brian May has just finished his PhD thesis on astrophysics. He really is something of a brainbox - he already holds a degree in physics from Imperial College.

In fact, he's so smart, he could probably explain the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody.

GOOD news:New Scientist reports that Oz scientists have developed a contraceptive that has the same effect as neutering: it stops male animals breeding and curbs aggressive behaviour.

We say this is good news, because if it works on dogs, there is a fair chance that it might work on hip-hop singers.

THERE are some couples who quite simply should not allow their married name to be hyphenated...

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